


College Education Is A Lie

by fallenice



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Professors, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 00:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenice/pseuds/fallenice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakurai Sho is a Sociology Professor in Sakura University.</p>
            </blockquote>





	College Education Is A Lie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mynamelessname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynamelessname/gifts).



> For Anie, pinch for JE-holidays 2013. 
> 
> Special thanks to Gwynn for a very quick beta. Also thanks to RJ + Rei for inputs. Thanks for listening to me whine as I furiously typed this out within an 8 hour span on Christmas Eve. I would have murdered someone if you guys weren't there. 
> 
> I had fun writing it, but I'm not very impressed with this piece of work myself - then again, it is a rushed piece of work. I contemplated re-writing it once reveals are up but it would defeat the purpose because this was the original version that was posted on JE Holidays. Either way, I hope my readers would have fun reading it nonetheless? Just take everything with a pinch of salt and I apologise for any inconsistencies?

 

Sakurai Sho - more accurately, Dr. Sakurai Sho - a sociology professor at Sakura University, has just finished a full lunch at the university cafeteria and is returning to his office to resume work. Midway through, he cannot resist the temptation ("I’m an academic! Academics must have a healthy sense of curiosity," he reasons to himself) and peeks through the door, left ajar, that leads to Dr. Ninomiya Kazunari’s office. The room’s occupant is seen curled up, feet tugged under himself into an overly huge office chair as he talks. Opposite him sits an undergraduate who seems to be furiously taking down notes. Nino must be having consultation hours right now, Sho concludes, except, in Nino’s hands is a gadget that looks curiously like a .. PSP? A PSP? During consultation hours?

He frowns.

This is not appropriate behavior during work hours.

Nino winks.

Why is he winking, who is he winking at – _Oh_.

Sho flushes and hurries away.

 

***

 

(Let’s take this from the beginning.)

It is Sho’s first day of work at Sakura University. He is trying to balance a stack of books that is half as high as himself back to his newly installed office when a whirlwind of a person knocks into him and topples his mighty tower of books.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I’ve to rush! Late for lecture!”

The whirlwind apologizes and attempts to stack some of the books back up before running off with another string of apologies, leaving Sho in a state of bewilderment. He is extremely tempted to make comments about how undergraduates nowadays have very poor time management. When he was in college, he recalls to himself, he used to have his schedule planned down to the minute so that he would be prepared for all his lectures and assignments.

“Air muscles,” An amused voice comments from behind him, disturbing his inner monologue of thoughts. Sho turns around to see a scrawny-looking man, dressed in an oversized, faded Mario T-shirt walking towards him.

He has decent muscles, Sho thinks to himself. He has been continuously voted as the man that female college students will want to marry at his previous institution. One year, some college photographer got hold of his private photos and sold them to a college magazine. The copies _sold out_ in hours. How can a freshman be this rude to a person of his caliber by calling his muscles “air muscles”.

Sho pushes his thoughts aside and tries to formulate a diplomatic reply to this impudent student when the boy saunters away, hands in his jeans’ pocket.

 

 

***

 

Sho does finally manage to maneuver his way back to his office with his research materials. He flops onto his office chair, books piled up in mini mountains around his work area when he spots an ID card sticking out of a book. He forces his tired body up from the chair to reach for the card only to see the photo of the guy who knocked into him outside the library staring back at him with a huge radiant smile.

“Professor Aiba Masaki?!” he exclaims to himself. That tall, lanky person (with poor time management) who has been running and bumping into everyone is a _professor_? What sort of people does this institution hire?

As Sakurai Sho is a well bred, honest man, he decides to return the ID card to this Professor Aiba. He will not complain about how it involves him dragging his exhausted body to the other side of the campus where the Veterinarian Department is located. After braving through birds which are trying to fly into his eyes, kittens that are pawing at his pants and puppies that are clinging on him like their lives depend on it, Sho finally arrives at the entrance of the office.

He knocks, and a bubbly voice invites him to come in.

“Hello, I’m Sakurai and I’m here to return your ID."

“I’ve been looking for my card since my lecture ended because I can’t access any of the laboratories without it! Thank you so much!” Professor Aiba replies excitedly, walking towards Sho and enveloping him in a big hug. Sho stands stiffly, not knowing how to react to Aiba’s sudden affection and Aiba moves away awkwardly, eyes staring on the floor, looking as though he has done something wrong.

Sho bites his lips. He feels like he has just kicked a puppy.

“I’ve lost my ID twice. If I lose it again, the office will stop issuing me the card. You’re a life saver, Mr Sakurai!” Aiba replies, excitement level in his voice rising again.

Sho nods and says something appropriate about how he has been glad to be of help. He is going to make his exit to the comfort zone of his own office when Aiba asks him about his work. Sho has no choice – and knows that he should not make the mistake of denying Aiba what he wants again – and starts telling him about how he is a newly employed professor by the university and teaches Sociology.

“So you’re going back to the Sociology department? That’s _amazing_ because my friend, Nino, is teaching there too! I’m going to meet him for lunch. In fact, let’s have lunch together! ”

Sho says yes.

One, there is food and Sakurai Sho can never say no to food. Two, Aiba is looking at him with those expectant eyes and Sho will feel the blood on his hands if he actually dares to say no again.

On their way to the Sociology faculty, Sho finds out that Aiba’s friend, “Nino”, is actually Professor Ninomiya Kazunari who resides in an office a few doors away from his own.

Aiba opens the door to Nino’s office (without knocking, Sho has noticed) to spot a small man slouching against one side of his office chair and letting his feet dangle off the other arm of the chair while his short hamburger-like fingers stab on the buttons of a Nintendo.

Bad posture (Sho can almost hear his mother’s voice correcting the way he stands or sits) and cute fingers aside, Sho remembers the face of this boy - he can’t be anything more than 17, can he? But he is a _professor_ too? He bites his inner cheek in annoyance recalling how the boy (Professor! His brain tries to correct) has insulted his muscles. He bites his inner lip in annoyance. He also questions (again) the university’s hiring criteria.

“It’s time for lunch, Nino!” Aiba declares.

“Noisy.” Nino replies and Aiba moves to Nino’s side of the table to forcefully pull him out of his seat. Nino grunts as he presses the last few buttons on his Nintendo, presumably to save the last played level.

“I can walk myself,” Nino says, putting his game into one of his desk drawers and locking it up, taking the keys with him.

“This is Prof Sho who found my ID!” Aiba introduces.

Sho really does not want to have lunch with someone who has insulted him but Aiba will not hear it and since Sho does not want to kick a puppy again, he goes along with it.

Although he does wonder how he turned from Professor Sakurai to Prof Sho and by the end of lunch, Sho-chan in the span of two hours.

Oh and Professor Ninomiya Kazunari is _thirty_ this year.

 

 

***

 

(Back to Present.)

“Professor Sakurai, do you have a moment?”

Sho looks up from his computer to see Professor Matsumoto Jun holding up two cups of café-brewed coffee and a box of pastries.

Technically, Sho has to finish this report sitting on his computer by today.

But, there is _food_. _Delicious food._

“Sure, come on in.”

Despite the formal way Jun is addressing him, the duo has been friends for years, working on papers together even before Sho was conferred his doctorate degree. Jun was also the one who wrote a reference for him in his job application to this university. After he accepted the job, Jun also helped him adjust to his new work environment. They choose to be formal to each other only out of an agreement to keep the private out of their work life.

Sho is taking a sip of his coffee while Jun is opening the food boxes when someone walks into his office.

“Sho-chan, your office is so cold, “ The intruder comments, sitting down on top of a stack of books that has no home because all of Sho’s shelves are full. He reaches out to the pastries (they're meant for him!) and bites in, “J brings the best food.”

 _It’s Professor Sakurai for you,_ Sho wants to say but seeing that he can call Jun, J, Sho thinks that his protests will be a futile effort.

“You only like them because they are free.” Jun retorts, “These are expensive pastries, I hope they give you a stomachache.”

“It’s okay,” Nino replies in between bites, “According to my body, this is still free, so it won’t react.”

Jun snorts, and notices how Sho is shifting slightly uncomfortably in his chair and begins to explain.

“We are co-teaching a class. Actually, since both of you are here, you can both help me with the arguments in my upcoming book….”

 

***

 

At the tail end of the floor of the Sociology faculty offices lies a handy vending machine which sells coffee, tea and sweetened energy drinks for the benefit of all to help them tide through long nights of marking or writing.

Sho happens to really need a good cup of coffee because it is 11pm and he needs to submit a peer review of a journal article by midnight. He puts in loose change into the coin slot and wavers between getting an iced coffee or a hot one when a finger presses onto the ice green tea button and the drink tumbles out of the machine.

“Thank you for the drink!” The voice from behind says as he walks away.

Of course it is Ninomiya Kazunari.

 

***

 

The dean of the faculty assigns Sho to the compulsory Sociological Theories class for the new semester targeted at second/third year Sociology majors. It is traditionally the class that sociology majors hate because most people do not really care about dead people and their (mostly) irrelevant ideas.

Sho does though.

“So, I heard your class is not very popular.” Nino says as he makes himself comfortable on Sho’s chair and spins around in it while Sho attempts to locate a particular book in his paper jungle.

“It’s a compulsory class.” Sho replies matter-of-factly.

“My first year Introduction to Sociology class is filled. The final year class I am co-teaching with J has a 4 page waiting list of Sociology and even non-major students.”

 _He is totally gloating._ Sho thinks to himself but steels himself to a neutral expression as he replies, “That is very impressive.”

“Wear more low-V neck tops like J and bend down often,” Nino begins, “His classes are always overflowing although he gives them 100 page readings every week, three essays a semester, gradable tutorials and final exams.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Oh, time for my class. Laters!” Nino replies as he hops the chair and saluting at Sho as he leaves.

 

***

 

If it is not bad enough that this _Professor_ Ninomiya likes to make him pay for his food and insults his teaching abilities, he has recently also acquired an interest in Sho’s classes. Nino has chosen to sit on the first row of the lecture theatre (where all students fear to tread) and plays Bejeweled on his cell phone while Sho is rambling on and on about Marx and Durkheim to a group of very distracted third year students wondering why Professor Ninomiya is sitting in Professor Sakurai’s classes.

It does help in bringing in more students for his 8am lecture though.

 

***

 

Sho spots Jun sitting in Nino’s office one fine day while he is cutting through the faculty offices to the library.

Jun is _his_ friend.

Ninomiya has no right.

Sho tries to reason to himself that Nino and Jun are coworkers and how it is perfectly normal for them to have regular interactions with each other. It is then that he spots Jun’s laugh when Nino points out something on Jun’s white Iphone 5c (Sho and Jun were together when Jun bought the phone and he remembered how annoyed Jun was when it came in all colours except _purple_ ) and Sho’s grip on the umbrella in his hand tightens – he really wants to poke the both of them with it and throw their cellphones on the floor.

“Let’s join them!” A voice comments and Sho turns around to see Aiba walking towards him with a skip in his step and his lab coat fluttering against the air conditioning.

“Get out, Aiba,” Jun and Nino chorused from the office.

 

***

 

Sho is furiously typing on his computer when the door springs wide open and something small and furry dashes into his office.

Acting on his instincts, Sho jumps onto his chair in fear and lets out a squeal. Many squeals.

“What is that?” He shrieks.

Aiba enters the office, crouching down and searching for something.

“Ah, there it is,” Aiba says to himself as Jun and Nino enters his office, curious about the commotion, to laugh merrily at Sho’s pain.

“It's only a squirrel!” Aiba comments as he shows Sho the animal that has escaped into his office. “Nothing to be scared about.”

“You could have _warned_ me!”

 

***

 

When Sho’s cab drops him by the main gate of the campus, he is already 30 minutes late because he has to entertain some guests in his house. He expects the class to either be in an uproar or empty thinking that class is cancelled when he arrives. Instead he is confronted with a bunch of very interested students asking Professor Ninomiya questions. A lot of questions.

“I got the class to build a society based on the theories earlier.” Nino says smugly as Sho puts his briefcase down. Sho notices that he is dressed in the same old, faded Mario T-shirt that he wore on their first meeting but this time with equally old cargo pants instead of jeans.

“Big brother is watching you,” someone chants from the back row and the class laughs along.

“Prof should incite a rebellion!” Another joins in.

Sho does not know whether he should be awed by how good Nino is or to be angry that Nino has just won over his tutorial class of students.

 

***

 

“Sho-chan! This is Ohno!” Aiba announces as he barges into Sho’s office, “He teaches about fishes!”

“That would be Ichthyology, “ Another voice adds from behind, “And do something about your grammar.”

“It means the same thing!” Aiba replies to which Jun responds with a very deep frown on his temple, “Icy-co-ology or fish-o-logy doesn’t matter as long as we all understand each other! Since Matsujun is here let’s all have lunch together! I’ll grab Nino!”

“I can hear you from the other end of the corridor,” Nino’s voice joins the little crowd that is building in Sho’s office, “Go back to your animals.”

“I miss you! And I want to introduce you to a new friend!”

Nino cocks his head to his left and stares at the newcomer, to which Aiba helpfully repeats Ohno’s position in the college.

Nino then proceeds to pinch Ohno’s butt for to see if his blank face will produce a reaction. Ohno blinks and Nino waits. Instead of gracing him with any response, Ohno returns to his spacey expression. A few more attempts and a few more weird looks from the rest of the company later, Nino proceeds to move towards Ohno and rests his chin comfortably at the crook of Ohno’s neck while grabbing onto his arm.

 

***

 

Jun has his office door thrown open and is reading some papers with a pair of fashionable black-rimmed glasses sitting on the bridge of the nose as he waits for for students to stroll (or run) in to hand in their work.

Midterm essay submission day.

Most professors get their students to put the completed work in their paper trays or abuse a poor student tutor to do the collecting for them. Matsumoto Jun, being one of most sadistic professors in the whole Sociology department (the other is definitely Ninomiya Kazunari, Sho concludes in his head) decides to implement the policy of making every student walk into his office to hand in their _own_ essay physically.

Sho thinks Jun is being stubborn for no reason, but he thinks he is not in the place to comment.

“And your reason is?” Sho hears Jun’s voice from his office.

“I’m only 15 minutes late!” The student protests, “I missed my bus.”

“And you missed your bus because…?”

“I… I.. stayed up late working on the essay.”

Jun raises his eyebrow in incredulity as he grabs a red pen from his pen holder and writes “Minus a grade for late submission”.

“But but but... I really need to pass this class.”

“You mean if I drop you a grade, you will fail? Did you just hand in a C grade essay?”

“Please, Professor, please.”

“Get out.”

Maybe Sho should just go for lunch.

 

***

 

Sho is queuing at his favourite soba store in the university cafeteria – he has been looking forward to the store owner’s handmade noodles while trying to decipher students’ bad handwriting on their test scripts. He should just follow what Jun does and make the students type out research essays to save his eyes from further damage. Just the essay part, not the terrorizing part though. When it is finally his turn to order, Sho gleefully orders his favourite menu when a now familiar voice pops up behind him.

“Another chasoba too.”

The storeowner acknowledges the order while Sho tries very hard to not glare as his forks out the money for both orders.

 

***

 

Sho bumps into Nino on his way to submit the final exam papers they have set. He has intended to make some small talk with Nino because it is the socially correct thing to do despite having mixed feelings about the person (Sho can’t decide whether Nino is a boy or a man and calling him Professor just sounds odd in his head) when someone walks up to Nino to ask him for his opinion about the new Final Fantasy game. Sho takes this as an excuse to hand in the papers and simply escape.

Sho doesn’t really understand how he feels about Nino sometimes. There are days where he feels like Nino (Sho has no idea when he has started to call Ninomiya as Nino in his head and he blames it on the power of peer influence) is intentionally getting on his nerves. Other days, Sho feels like Nino is trying to help him and possibly, flirt with him? He makes a noise of annoyance to himself. He doesn’t like it when there is something he can’t understand.

What he does know for sure, he thinks to himself, is that Nino is brilliant and he seems to have a way around him. Sho has also resigned himself to the fact that he can’t seem to hate Nino no matter how he seems to step all over his personal boundaries.

 

***

 

“Good afternoon, Professor Ninomiya, what can I do to help you,” Sho grits out.

Nino proceeds to sit on his table (to Sho’s chargin) and smiles – that sickening cute smile that stops people at their feet to stare.

“I’m just working on papers,” Sho hints instead. He can’t actually say _get out_ , can he?

“Is my visit this unwelcome, I can leave?”

Now, he can’t chase him away.

 

***

 

“How are you this free to come to my office everyday,” Sho finally comments when Nino walks into his office for the fifth consecutive day during marking week.

“I finished marking.” Nino replies nonchalantly as he makes himself home on the chair meant for visitors.

Sho’s eyes widen in surprise, “Your class has 600 students, how have you managed to finish marking them?”

“I gave them multiple choice question papers, so the machines mark them for me.”

“How could you,” Sho begins, “This is the Sociology faculty, the students write essays for their exams….”

Nino turns on the gaming console in his hand and calmly interrupts Sho’s rant, “We need to submit the grades tomorrow by noon.”

Sho stares at the stack of unmarked essays and grouchily returns to work.

 

***

 

“Nino has done it again,” Toma, the administrative staff at the Dean’s Office tells Sho when he submits the exam scores of his students.

“I heard he has multiple choice final exams, they can’t be that bad,” Sho replies.

“It will be, with seven options as follows:

A: A  
B: B  
C: C  
D: A and B only  
E: A and C only  
F: B and C only  
G: All of the above  
H: None of the above.

And there is also a negative marking scheme where Nino scores the closest wrong answer as -1 and the furthest as -6. The machines always die when they try to score Nino’s students.”

“He is allowed to do that?” Sho says, suddenly feeling like a saint for only making students write a short critical essay every week.

“Well him and Matsujun.”

“What did Jun do again?”

“He is just a strict marker in general, so we either get a lot of requests for re-marking or people asking for special exemptions, like this one,” Toma says, pointing to one of forms lying in his tray.

“Compared to them, you’re really normal. I’m really sorry for the 8am class though.”

 

***

 

“I’ve put your name down for the College Games! We’ll all have fun!” Aiba declares one day as he charges into Sho’s office after the examination rush. Sho is beginning to question his sanity because he has stopped feeling offended about Aiba and in fact is used to (and possibly welcomes) the distraction to his work.

“What do you mean, you’ve put my name down? And what is this College Games? ” Sho questions. He does not have a good feeling about this.

“You’re in our team for baseball and the team will be called, tada! Aiba Colors!” Aiba answers and Sho grimaces.

“You want me to play baseball?”

“It’ll be fun! Don’t be a wet blanket! Matsujun, Nino and Ohno are in it!”

Sho stares at Aiba.

Aiba stares back at him.

 

***

 

So basically, the College Games is an annual sports event where students form teams and compete with each other in various sports. To make things more interesting, members from different faculties are encouraged to form their own teams and compete against other teams in the name of fun.

The team name is changed from _Aiba Colours_ to _Arashi_ at the first practice because Jun and Nino outright reject Aiba’s leadership in the team and how childish the team name sounds. Aiba , after being vetoed, suggests that all five members adopt a storm element each to represent themselves and Jun promises to rage quit if he ever dares to do that.

Jun and Nino also decide that Ohno will be the team leader (Sho almost got it, just that he lost in _janken_ ) but what Jun and Nino do not expect is how _awful_ Sho is at sports.

Aiba, Nino and Jun have previous baseball experiences and fall into rhythm with each other quickly. Jun plays catcher and Nino is the pitcher while Aiba’s fast legs make him good at running after balls. Ohno used to play badminton in school but can, for some reason bat a ball nicely when he actually remembers to swing the bat.

The problem is with Sho.

Of the numerous balls that Nino has pitched to him during their first training session, Sho only manages to hit one which landed miserably near his feet after its contact with the bat. At one point in the training, the baseball bat swings out of Sho’s hand and lands on Aiba’s head. Sho thinks it’s only by sheer luck that Aiba has not gotten a concussion from that accident. Multiple balls also end up hitting various parts of Sho’s body and Sho himself is quite surprised that he has not fainted from the one ball that hit straight onto his forehead.

By sundown, Sho is convinced that he is going to be kicked out of the team and is actually surprised to receive Jun’s text about the location for the next training when he gets home.

 

***

 

He gets back to the office to do some administrative work for the coming semester feeling sore and spotting bruises on many parts of his body.

Jun knocks on his door shortly after he enters and passes him cans of ointments – some for sores, others for bruises and lines them up neatly on Sho’s desk. No wonder Aiba calls Jun “Matsumoto Pharmacy”. Nino tags along closely behind Jun and gives Sho massages on his sore spots while grumbling about having to do it. According to him, he is only doing this because he’ll rather do that than eat go to sea with Ohno or eat Aiba’s weird concoction of food.

“Air muscles,” Nino mumbles as he presses on a particular spot and Sho squeals in pain. Jun does not bother to hide his amusement.

Ohno and Aiba comes by a little later with some takeaway food because the university cafeteria is apparently closed during school vacations. They all eat in Sho’s office and litter his place but Sho can’t bring himself to tell them off when the grins on their faces are threatening to burst their faces apart.

Although he does find it necessary to tell them mixing mapo tofu with ice cream is a really bad idea.

Sho does find himself being torn about whether to feel embarrassed of himself (not that he will ever say it out loud) or to feel blessed because he has made friends with people who care about him.

 

***

 

The night before the Games, Aiba decides to organize a sleepover to “promote team spirit”. Jun and Nino are unwilling participants – “This is childish and stupid” – but Sho knows (first hand) that no one can say no to Aiba. Maybe they should have rejected Aiba, Sho thinks retrospectively because the five of them end up huddled up in Sho’s apartment because Aiba’s too messy, Ohno’s has nothing, Nino’s demands rent and Jun will kick a big fuss if they mess up his place.

The team-spirit building night is spent playing board games all night and results in them almost not making it in time for the start of the Games and Jun having to play without caffeine in his system.

They don’t win the Games in the end but when the five of them sit cuddled together in a restaurant as celebration, Sho thinks maybe, this is where he belongs.

 


End file.
